


we have not touched the stars

by naughtyskeletonpuns (badskeletonpuns)



Category: Friends at the Table (Podcast)
Genre: 5 Times, Alien Biology, Bathing/Washing, Five Times Plus One, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Gentle Sex, Gillplay, Masturbation, Other, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Xeno
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-03
Updated: 2018-10-03
Packaged: 2019-07-24 18:19:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,637
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16180592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/badskeletonpuns/pseuds/naughtyskeletonpuns
Summary: Five times when Cass imagined AuDy, and one time they didn't have to.





	we have not touched the stars

**Author's Note:**

> "and this is the map of my heart, the landscape  
>  after cruelty which is, of course, a garden, which is  
>  a tenderness, which is a room, a lover saying _Hold me_  
>  tight, it's getting cold. We have not touched the stars,  
>  nor are we forgiven, which brings us back  
>  to the hero's shoulders and the gentleness that comes,  
>  not from the absence of violence, but despite  
>  the abundance of it."
> 
> —Richard Siken, _Snow and Dirty Rain_

**one**

Cass didn’t mean to think about AuDy.

At least, they didn’t the first time.

It wasn’t their fault that they were two fingers deep into their gills when AuDy’s voice came over the loudspeakers. Crackling and spitting with static, it was still unmistakably them talking, implacable as gravity.

“Cass,” they had said, and Cass had shuddered, something hot and bright igniting in their bones. They didn’t quite catch the rest of what AuDy said, too caught up tumbling over an edge they hadn’t known they were so close too, one hand pressing hard between their legs and the other pinching along their gills.

There was a second where it was AuDy’s hands, cool, unforgiving metal and the thought of that metal heated by their own body temperature had Cass flushing violet and spilling over themselves in seconds.

So that first time was not their fault.

* * *

“Cass, you did not come to the flight deck earlier.”

AuDy sits on the floor in the closest thing there is to a common room on the Kingdom Come. Their chassis blends into the metal walls and floor; the posters Aria had hung up and Mako had connected to the Mesh not quite concealing the bare-bones reality of the room.

“Did you ask for me?” Cass is next to them, attempting to catch up on some new surgical technology research and not fall asleep on their shoulder.

It’s cool on the Kingdom Come, and Apostolosians haven’t been cold-blooded in eons, but the temperature still settles into Cass’s bones, coating them like a blanket. They yawn, baring teeth sharp and white.

“Yes, twice.”

Cass shrugs at first thought, not recognizing any significance to the memory. “Maybe the speakers were on the fritz again?”

AuDy taps their fingers on the floor, a gesture that Cass has come to recognize as something like shaking their head. “I repaired them a few days ago.”

What actually caused Cass to miss AuDy’s message doesn’t occur to them until they’re half-asleep on AuDy’s shoulder and have read the same same sentence about five times. AuDy says their name to wake them up and they flash back to earlier that same day, to that wisteria flush blooming along their gills and between their legs, to the moments of distraction that had followed.

… Yeah, they aren’t going to tell AuDy why they actually missed that announcement.

**two**

The second time, Cass had no excuses or convenient announcements to cast the blame onto.

The Chime had just completed a mission, one that had taken weeks of prep, careful use of contacts, and exacting strategization to pull off. It had of course come down to five minutes of Mako bullshitting someone and getting into their Mesh network while Cass and Aria ran interference until AuDy could pull the three of them out seconds before the plan went down in flames. Literal flames.

In their defense, the building had been on fire before Cass had shot anything. And regardless of whose fault the fire was (not Cass’s), the warehouse was on its way to a smoldering wreck by the time the Kingdom Come took off.

Cass was coughing more than they would have liked to be, but they were fine. Really.

They were the doctor, they got to decide that.

There wasn’t any need for AuDy to keep one hand between their shoulder blades and gently but firmly steer Cass to their own infirmary. But… Cass couldn’t bring themself to mind the touch.

“Do you have coelomic gel?” AuDy asked. When Cass looked up, they were standing by Cass’s closet of the various first aid items the Chime needed too often. They hadn’t really expected AuDy (or anyone in the Chime, for that matter) to actually know the name of the specific ointment Cass used for smoke inhalation and burns near or on their gills.

It took a few seconds for them to collect their thoughts enough to direct AuDy to the correct compartment—maybe it had been a good idea for them to let AuDy guide them here.

Cass coughed again, and they could feel their gills flare out from their sides in a desperate attempt to take in fresh oxygen. The movement just brushed the frills of their lamellae against the rough material of their tunic, and Cass couldn’t repress a wince.

AuDy was at their side almost before they finished coughing, steadying them with one hand. “Can I help?” they asked.

Cass shook their head. The motion left them dizzy, the lights of their infirmary swirling in midair. “Thanks, but I’ll be okay. Do you have the gel?”

They gave no response. Cass tried to stand, but the ship seemed to shift beneath their feet. It couldn’t have, that was impossible, AuDy was the pilot and moved the ship and they were right here. They were by Cass’s side and Cass was wheezing again, harder and sharper.

Smoke rose acrid in the back of their throat as they coughed, their body trying to rid itself of the foreign substance through any means possible.

They were shaking, and the ship kept tilting in strange ways, and AuDy’s hands were warm and solid and steady at their sides.

“Cass,” AuDy murmured, once Cass could breath steadily again. For someone who didn’t technically have eyes, their gaze was magnetizing. “Please let me help.”

The break between AuDy’s statement and Cass’s answer was painful, and it was all Cass could to nod.

AuDy helped Cass out of their top and the thin undershirt beneath it. Cass had to lift their arms high; the movement strained their inflamed gill tissue and sent lances of pain along their sides. They winced as once more their gills attempted to take in dry air. The harsh chill of it raced over the exposed tissue. Almost worse was the thick liquid that dribbled out of the raw openings, gray as a burnt-out star and bringing with it the pungent smell of smoke.

“Can you stand without my support?”

Cass just shrugged. AuDy was supporting them now, heavily. They shifted to one foot, leaning further into AuDy. Robots were warmer than a lot of people thought, and Cass was grateful for the gentle heat AuDy gave off now. The lights were stilling at last, and they blinked slowly.

After a beat, AuDy moved so that they were holding up Cass with one arm just below their waist. “Let me know if anything I do is inappropriate.” Cass hummed in agreement. When they closed their eyes, the imprints of the overhead lights remained in their vision until they opened them again. The lid of the gel tube snapped open with a click, and Cass opened their eyes in time to watch AuDy carefully spread it onto their fingers.

“This is going to sting,” they warned.

Cass yelped at the first touch of AuDy’s hand, even on the slightly less sensitive outer edges of their gills. AuDy paused long enough for them to nod that they were ready to keep going.

The coelomic gel did sting at first, but the soothing coolness of it soon outweighed the pain. Once they had carefully coated the outer lamellae, AuDy paused, gently massaging circles just under Cass’s gill arch.

“If I don’t put the cream further into the tissues, the smoke could cause infection.”

Cass just nodded again, too breathless to speak. They had no mirror in the small space here, and for a second they were immeasurably glad that they didn’t. There was no doubt in their mind that they were glowing like a guppy talking to their first crush. AuDy was so close, and so careful… But they were just helping out a crewmate. That was all that it was.

“I don’t want to touch your gills without express permission from you,” AuDy prompted, and Cass took a deep breath. Their lamellae fluttered weakly at their sides, the stinging pain lessening to reveal a deeper ache still present.

“Yeah,” Cass got out. “I need—Can you apply the gel?”

AuDy nodded—well, it was more of a short bow from the waist. Automated Dynamics units did not tend to have much forward and backward neck flexibility, but AuDy had been with the Kingdom Come long enough for Cass to have picked up on what their movements meant. “I am going to start on your right side.”

Their hand slipped down, pressing along the topmost seam of Cass’s gills. Most Apostolosians had only two or three gill slits these days, and some in the youngest generation didn’t have any. The royal family tended to have more, like it was said the Eidolons had had, eons ago. Cass themself had four.

After a moment of pressure, the tips of AuDy’s fingers slipped between Cass’s lamellae, spreading the gel along the filaments within. It was professional, it was careful, it was fine and normal. Cass was breathing hard because of exertion and smoke inhalation. They were not having this reaction to their friend fucking _fingering their gills_ like a cheesy smut movie.

* * *

No one could could blame them for remembering that instance later, and having… some _thoughts_ about it. At least, no one could blame them more than they blame themself.

They’re alone in a hotel room, the payment from the Chime’s most recent job enough to get those who wanted them separate rooms in a nice enough hotel. Cass doesn’t doubt that by the end of the week they’ll all have piled into Mako’s room with the pillows from the rest of their rooms and recorded Hieron marathons to binge, but for now, they enjoy the solitude.

The lights are low, coloring the room a hazy gold. Cass stretches out on the bed and breathes deeply. It’s been a few days and they can finally let their gills splay open without the need for more gel or water to coat the healing filaments.

Their hand drifts down, pinching the folds of their gills carefully, precisely.

The way AuDy had.

Cass squeezes a little harder and AuDy’s voice is in their head, synthesized and unvarying as they tell Cass that they’re not going to touch them, not unless Cass asks them to, and Cass _knows_ that they mean it. Cass trusts them, and it’s been a long time but that’s no excuse for how quickly they come onto their fingers with AuDy on their mind.

**three**

The third time, Cass was alone.

It was a rare moment on-planet and not simultaneously on-duty during a mission, and Cass intended to take full advantage of it. They've splurged a few of their own creds on a hotel room outfitted with an actual bathtub.

The tub is finally filled to the brim; the saline packet Cass has dumped into it draping the tang of salt and brine over them like a blanket. For an aching moment, it smells like Apostolos.

Cass shakes their head, dispelling the illusion. Apostolos is not cracked tiles and a fan that sputters on and off erratically, and Cass wouldn’t trade a second of the life they had now for a future as the Apokine.

Besides, they liked the way the air steamed up when the fan wouldn’t turn on.

They slipped into the water, sighing almost involuntarily as the liquid warmth suffuses through them. The tub isn’t deep enough to submerge themself fully, but Cass can at least slide down enough to cover both the gills at their sides and the ampullae that run along their neck and collarbone.

The delicate fins flutter and spread, no bioelectricity save Cass’s own to sense in the small tub. Cass hums a little in appreciation. They stretch their neck to one side and the other, flaring their ampullae out as much as they can.

It was silent in the small bathroom, save for the occasional splash from Cass’s movements. They sighed, allowing air to bubble out the sides of their gills. The quiet should have been comforting, a counterpoint to the chaos that normally enveloped the Chime.

But it isn’t as relaxing as they want it to be.

And it isn’t that they don’t like the quiet. They just… wouldn’t mind being quiet with someone else. Cass sinks deeper into the water, deep enough that when they breathe in there’s only liquid there. Even with the saline packet, the tap water still leaves a stale taste in the back of their throat.

Still, stale water is better than no water.

They reach out of the bath with one hand and grope along the side shelf for a bar of scale soap. It’s past time for a new one, the exfoliating bar worn down till it barely takes up Cass’s palm. Living the life that they do, they don’t often have time to go out and get new luxuries like this one.  Especially when it isn't exactly safe for them to be openly in many places that sold legitimate Apostolosian products.

Cass scrubs over the larger scales that run along their arms and torso, removing dead scales and shining up the healthier ones. They aren’t due for a shed for months yet, but everyday wear and tear took a lot out of their skin.

It’s easy to fall into the rhythm of it. The water flows in and out of their gills, the soap gentle enough to be filtered out before they breathed it in. Cass lathers themself up, spreading the soap down along their stomach and legs. They slow as they move down and rub circles on the tiny scales beading their inner thigh, all the way to their papillae and ilium.  

The light in the bathroom is off, but more than enough light comes in through a frosted-glass skylight for Cass to see. The mirrors and tile are fogged over by now, and steam hangs low in the air. Cass closes their eyes and breathes in the salt-heavy mist.

They stroke over their papillae, barely dipping between the folds there. For once, there’s no urgency. Nowhere to be, no possibility of getting an emergency call or being dragged into someone else’s scheme. Their communicator is outside the bathroom on silent, and for this one afternoon, everything can wait.

Cass takes their time with it, playing with themself with a slow, easy grace. It’s been too long since they had this much time to themself, _for_ themself.

Even when they start ramping up, beginning to delve deeper and to glow a pale violet, they keep moving slow. Keep their breathing level. The surface of the bathwater shimmers iridescent like a dragonfly’s wings, and Cass teases along their gills with one hand and keeps a steady rhythm between their legs with the other. It’s weighty, it’s slow, and they honestly aren’t even trying to get off with it. It just feels good to touch without worry or expectation.

They don’t fall over an edge so much as they fall into themself, letting out a breath verging on a whine. Cass tips their head back till it hits the wall, ceramic that for a second feels like metal. And that’s all it takes for their mind to put AuDy there.

Cass keeps touching themself through their orgasm, pushing back into the wall of the tub and unable to stop pretending that AuDy’s with them. Their chassis would be steamed over like the glass of the mirrors, and everywhere Cass touched them would leave fingerprints in the fog.

Would they direct Cass on how to touch themself? Allow Cass to brace themself against them, keep Cass still with hands steady and strong on their waist, just below their gills?

They turn their head, press their cheek against the cold tile and imagine it warmer, thrumming with AuDy’s energy. It’s only a few seconds before they come again, spilling indigo slick into the water.

… Cass is definitely going to have to take a shower after they drain the bath.

**four**

Cass refuses to admit to themself what happened the fourth time.

Look, they just got stuck when they were trying to repair the wiring in their room, okay? That was the _perfectly reasonable_ explanation for how they ended up hanging from their ceiling, wrists and arms tangled with bundles of wires. And they didn’t call for help because there was no way Mako would not laugh for five minutes until he was too out of breath to say “I told you so,” and he’d do something with the Mesh to get all of Cass’s devices to say “I told you so” for the next three days.

It made sense.

If anyone asks what happened between when they got stuck and when they freed themself over an hour later, Cass isn’t going to tell them anything.

Not about how they could just barely touch the floor with their toes. They tried to move themself enough to lift up so they could untie the wires, but couldn’t get nearly enough leverage.

Maybe they’d mention that part of it.

But they _definitely_ wouldn’t say a word about their second attempt to get back up into the ceiling. In their defense, Cass was trying to get to an armchair to climb up on it, and no other reason. And it was going well! They were able to balance themself on one leg, and use the other to drag the chair closer.

They weren’t trying to get the back of the chair to slide between their legs. And it was not a part of the plan for for it to be at the perfect height for them to roll their hips (in an attempt to pull the chair closer!), or for the friction of it to feel so damn good.

Anyway.

Nothing untoward happened after that, Cass pretends.

Even if anything had happened, which it hadn’t, Cass cleans that damn chair really well. So it’s fine. Nobody needs to know.

The next day, Cass winces when AuDy touches their wrist. AuDy takes that as an excuse to tell them to go to their own infirmary and put a med patch on the bruises. If Cass says that they’re too busy in order to get AuDy to follow them there to ensure that they actually do put the patch on, it’s not even a lie.

Cass puts on the patch and pretends they aren’t watching AuDy watch them, aren’t thinking about bruises on their wrists left _by_ AuDy instead of a bunch of random wires.

**five**

The fifth time, well…

Cass has given up trying not to think about AuDy.

They’ve got a mission the next morning, they’ve got a half-formed plan sketched out on a datapad abandoned on the floor, they’ve got a million things to do and they’re ignoring all of them in favor of this. ‘This’ being the idea of AuDy’s hands, gentle and strong, pressing them down into their bed.

Cass can’t help but take the scenario further, and in their mind AuDy’s kneeling between their legs, holding Cass’s arms above their head with one hand. They want to squirm a little, push against a pressure that isn’t really there. There’s wisteria slick darkening to violet leaking from their gills and papillae both, hopefully not staining these sheets beyond repair.

Whatever. Fuck the sheets. Cass reaches up, grasps whatever corner of the mattress they can, holding on even when all they want is to let go. They allow their other hand more freedom, rubbing circles along the outside of their gills until they’re live-wire buzzing with it. Their hand is indigo to the wrist, iridescent even in the cheap fluorescent lights in their quarters.

Cass draws a thin line from their gill arch across their ribs and sternum, down to the scales that bead along their thighs.

They ache with it, and they know their own fingers aren’t what they’re looking for but it’s all they’ve got.

The feeling of their nails scraping over their scales is almost unbearable, and they thrust up into their hand and bite back a whine. Cass runs their fingers over their papillae, dipping into the ileal folds between them and coming back with fingers already dripping with precome that glistens tyrian purple.

They’re panting, breaths coming harsh and edging into moans. It’s too loud, they’re being too loud, but it’s taking all of their self control not to let go of the mattress and touch themselves more. Cass almost does so, flaring out their gills and just—they can’t stop wondering if AuDy would bruise them if they asked, finger them slowly and rub slick fingers between their papillae and ileum, keep them on the edge till they begged.

AuDy is so patient, and there’s no way they would be swayed by Cass’s pleas to _hurry up and fuck me, already, please, AuDy_.

Cass runs two fingers around the edge of their vent pretending they’re AuDy’s fingers and they’re gone. They come in the same deep purple they’ve been leaking for a while now, smearing across their skin and scales both.

There’s a moment after they’ve come down.

(This moment is before the smell of themself in the air gets too thick to bear and they realize that they’re basically lying in their own come and are going to have a ton of laundry to do, because if they let the drones get to it then Mako _will_ figure out what they’ve gotten up to and Cass would like to have that conversation on the first of never.)

AuDy’s still on their mind and Cass realizes that yeah, the fantasy of being fucked by them was _amazing_ , but… They want AuDy’s presence now even more than they’d wanted it a few minutes earlier.

Cass wants to curl up next to their warm chassis and try to find a comfortable way to pillow their head on a metal arm, wants to listen to the gentle whirr of servos and try to make AuDy laugh, and. They throw their arm over their face in attempt to ward off the train of thought, but it’s too late.

There is no denying that they’ve caught feelings now.

**plus one**

It’s late, and the Kingdom Come is on autopilot, deep in an unnamed solar system. Neither Cass nor AuDy need to be in the cockpit, watching stars spin around them in the sky.

Neither of them are going to leave.

The missions have stretched long, one into the other, and every time the two of them get closer to something unspoken. Cass pulls bullets out of AuDy’s arms, bullets they got _protecting Cass_. AuDy gets the showers in the Kingdom Come to stop blasting cold water. Cass hangs out in the cockpit and goes through paperwork and mission plans when they can tell AuDy wants quiet company but isn’t willing to ask for it aloud.

It’s the little things.

The two of them sit in the captain’s chair—technically, only AuDy is actually in the chair. Cass sits on the arm of it, steadying themself on the wall next them.

“You can lean on me if you would like,” AuDy offers, and Cass knows their blush is plainly visible in the night.

Cass leans on AuDy anyway. They won’t mind the blushing. They close their eyes, focus on the feeling of their friend beneath them. AuDy is solid and warm, and if Cass listens closely they can hear a soft whirr of circuits and machinery. Their ampullae tingle where they’re pressed against AuDy’s surface.

It kind of tickles.

“Cass,” AuDy says, and Cass hums a little in response. AuDy pulls away from Cass, steadying them with one hand. “You know that I care for you.”

“Of course. You’re my friend.” The cockpit is so quiet with only the two of them here. There’s no sound but Cass’s breathing and AuDy’s whirring gears, and even those are only just audible.

AuDy shakes their head. They don’t have eyes, but Cass still feels pinned in place by their gaze. “You know I don’t mean it like that.” AuDy’s hand is heavy on Cass’s shoulder and they reach up, put their own hand over AuDy’s.

Cass can’t look away from AuDy. “I—” they begin, and swallow. They squeeze AuDy’s hand. “You don’t?”

Even with AuDy’s impassive faceplate, Cass can’t shake the feeling of nerves that they’re getting from them. They turn in their seat to face Cass fully and reach out to tuck a loose strand of hair behind their ear. Their hand lingers. “No,” they say, implacably honest. And then, after a beat. “May I kiss you?”

It’s not the moment, but Cass can’t stop the strangled laugh that bubbles out of them. After months of pining and fantasizing, AuDy’s in front of them, has their hands on them, is actually interested in them in a real way, and Cass has never been one to lucid dream but they still aren’t sure this is real. “AuDy,” they get out after a moment. They’re shaking their head, and their hair is loose and falling in front of their face, and they’re too distracted to tuck it back again. (AuDy had already tucked it into place for them, would probably do so again, Cass’s traitorous brain reminds them.) “I mean—me?”

Cass is stuttering over their words in a way they haven’t in for years and they are unspeakably grateful when AuDy begins to speak again.

“I don’t want to mislead you,” they say. “I have feelings for you. I want to make sure you are safe and you are near, I want—” AuDy’s voice is obscured by a burst of static, frustration bleeding through in white noise crackling behind their vowels and between their words. They pause for a moment to collect themself and Cass thinks near-hysterically that _they_ did this to AuDy, _they’re_ the reason unshakable AuDy is having trouble articulating. Cass snaps back to attention when AuDy continues speaking.

“There are many things I want,” they settle on saying. “But right now, I want to kiss you.”

All the stars surrounding the ship could go supernova and Cass probably wouldn’t notice it.

Cass has a strong impulse to forget explaining anything further and kiss AuDy themself. They swallow, heavily. The ampullae at their neck flutter slightly at the motion, and AuDy shifts their hand from Cass’s shoulder to rub just beneath the lowest fin. “I want that too,” Cass says, barely more than a whisper. More loudly—”I want you.”

“Cass,” AuDy starts.

“Kiss me,” Cass requests. And they do.

AuDy presses two fingers to Cass’s lips, and Cass turns their face into the motion. The pads of their fingers are cool to the touch and smoother than Cass would have thought, given the trouble that the Chime is always getting into.

“Can I kiss you?” Cass asks. Without them realizing it, their hands are hovering to either side of AuDy’s chassis.

_“Please,”_ AuDy says, and the amount of emphasis they manage to put on that one word is astounding.

Cass leans forward—AuDy moves their hand to cup Cass’s cheek, allow them the motion—kisses AuDy’s face. “Can you feel that?” they murmur, still close enough that their lips brush metal when they speak.

“No,” AuDy admits. But they keep their hand on Cass’s cheek and hold them close; a static-electricity spark shivers just over their surface as Cass scatters feather-light kisses across their face. “Please do not stop.”

Cass wasn’t planning on it. They want to keep this moment forever, the crystalline stillness of the cockpit, the way the stars outside the window fade into the background when AuDy brushes a hand over their gills, all of it. Cass doesn’t have to imagine AuDy’s touch, and they get the feeling they won’t ever have to imagine it again.

After all, they won’t need to pretend as long as they have AuDy here, solid and warm and real in their arms.

**Author's Note:**

> i am a one trick pony and that trick is porn and richard siken lines, oops.  
> let me know if you enjoyed it! hmu on tumblr @wendy-comet or twitter @wendymakespuns to talk more about Apostolosian biology or emotions caused by our favorite fish/robot ship


End file.
